a lesson on distractions

Recently I've been pondering going on a retreat for a week up in Northern England. I have emailed the center I am interested in attending and am awaiting reply as to their openings. As I told my friend about this activity he said to me: "So you are going on a retreat from your retreat." This struck me in a way that all I could do was feel a sense of self loathing and guilt and I began to cry.

I have been in London for the past two months and have come here to work through some personal matters, namely to get away from home and build perspective. Since that time I have found myself in all manner of self destructive and distraction oriented behavior. All of this has been quite a learning experience for me, as I have come to witness the very darkest parts of myself on the day to day. Sitting with this, being amidst such depths has been entirely unhinging and dangerous, because those are places one can wallow in. That sadness I've felt has led to so much dissatisfaction and a hollow I cant quite describe, other than to say I have been simply suicidal of late. I don't find this to be a cry for help or a joke, but rather a matter of fact feeling in facing these dark places.

I think about what it means to really be in those places for a time, and to still have the strength to not off yourself. Morbid as it may sound, I've grown tired of the concept that I am entirely weak for not being able to override my survival switch. This in and of itself must be evidence for some kind of purpose I am to prove in life.

As I sit on the couch and talk with another friend relaying the above statement that brought me to tears, she tells me with great anger in her voice, "You aren't going on a retreat from a retreat! Anyone who's ever been to a retreat would never say that. A retreat isn't easy, its not about going away from something, its about going inward, and it is never easy. It takes a lot of effort to face oneself like that, its rather uncomfortable and not many people can do that."

Her words are comforting in a way, because I know that even though I haven't done everything I set out to do on this journey, that I am not retreating in the escaping sense entirely, because I am choosing to feel and face a lot of whats going on. I may not be able to do that quickly or in an intense way, but I am doing it in a way that honors survival.

We can only hold so much, whether it be from others or from ourselves. Every moment in life brings about the option of weighing us down. To lighten our load we must sift through the mass we've collected and discard what we do not need. Distractions serve their purpose but they are two fold in that we never quite rid ourselves of weight. It serves to prolong the work that it takes to grow lighter. It helps us to avoid the pains of healing which is always to be uncomfortable.

We may need a distraction to feel like we can keep going, but our choice in the quality and quantity of that distraction is something that needs distinction. Choosing productive positive and healthy distractions such as spending time with friends, reading, playing music, physical activity, so on and so forth, can contribute to the kind of momentum we need to view the darker places with perspective and come into the light. To unburden some of the heaviness while still finding movement forward.

Pema Chodron writes in The Places That Scare You: "Rather than letting our negativity get the better of us, we could acknowledge that right now we feel like a piece of shit and not be squeamish about taking a good look.”

I think this plainly put is a good reminder that negativity builds, and if we can take a look at ourselves and transmute our distractions into productive ones, we will be less weighed down with the burden to carry the darkness within us.

The hollow inside myself will never be filled with things, or activities for which I dont find true value or merit. If I take a moment to make a better decision one that may not fulfill me via instant gratification or the ever familiar and comfortable self harm route, and actually choose with an intent of healing the heart, the hollowness, the heaviness, will lessen.

I invite you to look at those dark places, but to do so gently. We are always our harshest critic, and the burden of being able to make your life can be a heavy weight in and of itself. Instead ask yourself how you can productively get through the darkness, how you can distract yourself in ways that benefit your cause towards healing. It can feel counter intuitive to be gentle with yourself when all you've known is a voice that berates. But remember that compassion is the key to the cage of your pain.Only you can free yourself.

Blessings of loving kindness
Namaste
K

sharing osho-

On Discontentment

Discontentment is human, contentment is divine. Animals know neither contentment nor discontentment; they simply go on living mechanically, unconsciously. It is the great privilege of human being to be aware of discontent. To be aware of discontent means there is a possibility to grow towards contentment. But very few people make any effort towards inner growth. Their whole life is rooted in a misunderstanding.

They think that if they have a bigger house or more money or more power or more prestige they will be contented; that if they become famous, if their name is known all over the world, then they will be contented. That is sheer nonsense.

How can a bigger house make you contented? You will remain the same. The house can be small or big, it may be more comfortable; you will be comfortably discontented, that’s all. In fact when you are in much discomfort you don’t feel much discontent, because your whole energy is involved in fighting with discomforts. That’s why poor people don’t feel so much discontent. Rich people feel discontent. Richer countries are very restless, because they have all the comforts. Sitting on their comfortable sofas, what else do they have to do? They start thinking about their life situation — what they are doing, where they are going, what is happening to them. And nothing is happening and they are going nowhere. A great discontent arises in them…

Nothing on the outside can ever make you contented. Contentment is possible only through inner growth. Inner growth can be helped in many ways. Down the ages meditation has been found to be the most essential part of inner growth because it helps you to cool down, it helps you to become more alert. It helps you to be more loving, it helps you to be more detached. It helps you to become clear about things. It gives you clarity, transparency. Slowly slowly you become a mirror and you start reflecting things as they are.

Osho

a blog share from a muslim who has daily tips on prayer and productive habits

22 Daily productive habits

yassmineldouh:

I’m not the type of person who likes to make new years resolutions. I think it’s because I don’t like setting myself up for failure. Changing your habits drastically is too difficult so it’s no wonder most people end up giving up.
Before you dismiss me as pessimistic and depressing, let me just tell you that I am one of the biggest advocates for internal change. I want to be a therapist, so of course I believe in change- if it’s one step at a time.
Here are a few small daily tips, pick a few and work on those first- that I think will make your day much brighter and much more productive.

Spirituality:
1. PRAY ON TIME. And that includes Fajr too! Fajr brightens your entire day and makes you feel safe and secure.
2. Sunnah prayers. If you never pray sunnah, add some on to one prayer and after your perfect that, add it on to another prayer. Don’t let the shaytan fool you into missing it just because “you don’t have to do it”. Imagine all the good deeds you’re missing out on!
3. Make a time for duaa each day. For me, I have a set of duaas for the morning and evening. If this is too much, start off with just five minutes before you sleep. It’s important to set aside a time where we literally connect with God and say whatever you want to him. I like to do this in the car; on the way to school and on the way back home from the gym. It’s relaxing and a big stress reliever.
4. Read a bit of the Quran every day. Is your copy dusty on the shelf, untouched since Ramadan? Make a habit to read just a little bit every day, even if it is one page. Also, don’t just read it; understand it. Buy an English version (I have tafsir ibn kathir in English and I love it, but since it is a bit pricey, I also love “English translation of the meaning of Al-Quran” by Malik. It is a super easy read).
5. Create a praylist. I actually got this idea from a Suhaib Webb article. It’s one of the best ideas I’ve ever heard of. I organized my praylist by the following categories: Worship, family, friends, community, wisdom, health, and the hereafter. Don’t forget to pray for the Prophets and their companions at the end. Include WHATEVER you want in yours. Remember, God is the most forgiving; so don’t feel too guilty to face him. That’s just the Shaytan talking to you.

Happiness and productivity
6. When you wake up, make yourself smile. It may seem silly, but it will start off your day so much happier. You’re brain releases serotonin, the happy neurotransmitter, when you smile. Do it often.
7. Develop a hobby. Something totally unrelated to your major or what you want your career to be in. It doesn’t matter how much experience you already have in the hobby. Suggestions include playing an instrument, knitting, crafts, makeup, or writing. Be creative.
8. Focus on the present. The past that haunts you is over. The future will unravel itself. Absorb yourself in the present and you will be surprised at how much happier you’ll be.
9. Read books. Oh my God, just read books. No explanation necessary.
10. Stop thinking negative thoughts. When you think a negative thought, distract yourself by doing something else. Negative thoughts are unproductive and don’t help you whatsoever.
11. As related to the above, stop thinking “what if”. The Prophet (s) himself advised against this. You don’t know what would happen if you did something else, and you surely don’t know what might happen in the future. It’s unhelpful and will just depress you.
12. Help others. This will make others like you, make you feel better about yourself, and we need more people like you. Why not?
13. Forgive and forget. Holding grudges is stressful. You make mistakes as well, so why not have mercy on other people that do?
14. Keep a journal. It’s a great outlet for everything you feel that day and helps you control your thoughts and emotions. Plus its fun to go back and read the things that used to be so important to you.
15. Record ideas. Sometimes when I have an idea I don’t write it down, and I forget it. Something awesome is definitely lost when you don’t record it.
16. Write down things that you are grateful for every day, and thank God for them. Don’t repeat them. (I still have yet to do this one).
17. STOP comparing yourself to other people. Everyone has their positives and negatives, so why are we blind to our own positives and focus on other’s positives?
18. Take all your bad habits and create a plan to slowly get rid of them. Do you put yourself down a lot? Pinch yourself when a negative thought comes up. Do you have anger problems? Take a breath and count to three when you feel an anger fit coming through. You get the idea.

Health
19. Exercise. I don’t care how skinny you are, exercise releases endorphins and makes you an overall happier person. Even if its just three times a week, or just a walk. The small things count.
20. Eat breakfast. I used to be the type of person who skips breakfast, until I realized how good breakfast is for you. You burn around 300 more calories a day eating breakfast because it revs up your metabolism and gives you more energy to move around all day. Plus it prevents you from overeating later in the day from starvation.
21. Drink lots of water. I was always the soda girl, and now that I’ve stopped, my body is definitely thanking me. It’ll seem tasteless at first, but soon enough you’ll get addicted to it.
22. Eat a low calorie meal every two to three hours. It keeps your metabolism going and gives you huge amounts of energy.




If you don’t do much of this list, I strongly advise you to take it one step at a time. If you try to do it all at once, you will be setting yourself up for failure. Good luck and salam! :) Read more on our blog!

sustained mindfulness and concentration

I attended a dharma talk last night that was rather technical and on the subject of sustained concentration in mindfulness practice. I noticed myself feeling early on in the talk that I was somewhat bored, a little needy, judging the topic as something that would not fulfill me for the evening. But after listening in full, I took away a great deal of insight, that helped me notice and understand this moment of discomfort.

Often I find that when I am uncomfortable with something it is because it is something I NEED to investigate. As a good friend would tell me, "Where you resist, persist" or when something seems difficult try to stay and see things through. To me that is the essence of what meditation is, a form of staying.

In sustained concentration there can be one specific thing that you are concentrating on, usually the breath, sometimes a light (if you are practicing eyes open), or maybe even music. Sustaining focus can be less about an empty mind, and more about a satisfied mind, one that isnt racing about in an anxiety frenzy to control and figure things out.

My suggestion for this week is to try to notice when you feel uncomfortable and either persist through the feeling returning back to your state of focus or if this feels really over powering, to investigate where that discomfort arises first, and then come back.

A reminder for this I have come to say to myself is:

Come back, come back. And then Stay.

Namaste, K

Dark Night of The Soul

Winter has notoriety for symbolizing Death and the end of cycles....

Ultimately we have to come to terms with the fact that every season brings with it a kind of energy resonance that may make its marker in our lives.

As the darkness becomes more evident I invite you to shed light on areas of your life that you may have been denying.

Personally, I have noticed this time of year to indicate some solo journey work. It feels like a potent wish to impart on others, to encourage all of you to take time for yourself, to walk the path with courage but also with a kind of compassionate tenderness.

We all have endured struggle. Let us remember we needn't suffer in our struggles.